Although my dad has helped out over the years, my 64-year-old mother — a retiree and recent widow after my stepdad died in 2023 — supports me the most. Stating this makes me cringe. I feel immense shame over being in midlife and heavily reliant on my parents.
Without a doubt, my mom expected to be free of dependents decades ago. At 40, she was planning an early retirement. But here I am, 39, unable to save a cent, in need of her financial support. While she lives alone, my kids and I occupy her townhouse.
Although I pay rent to her, it is well below market rate, utilities and internet are included, and accommodations are made when I don’t have enough to pay. And that’s not all. Over the years, she has gifted me vehicles, loaned me money, and given me cash outright.
At one point, I felt like I was on a good financial path
At 19, with my mom and stepdad acting as guarantors and contributing a $35,000 deposit that I later paid back, I became a homeowner of a townhouse like the one I am in now. I was otherwise financially independent, worked three jobs, had a good chunk of money saved, and my life was planned out. It looked like I was headed in the right direction.
So, where did I go wrong? Simply put, several bad investments of different kinds — dead-end relationships, attempts at pursuing education, and career choices — led to my current state of financial affairs.
I got married in 2009 while I was in university, and after putting nearly $20,000 toward a degree — all of which came from a registered education savings plan set up by my mom — I dropped out of school to start a family. Five years and two kids later, my marriage ended.
After my divorce, I went back to school
We settled outside court and, with his parents’ guidance, split the assets my parents had helped me acquire. We also shared the debt, including a sizable amount I was completely oblivious to. To this day, I am not entirely sure how so much shared debt was accrued, but I assume a large portion was my ex-husband’s education expenses and purchases he put on credit cards. Ultimately, I was left without the place I had owned for 10 years, chasing minimum-wage jobs. I spontaneously decided to become a practical nurse to put myself in a better position.
After spending 18 months in full-time studies, acquiring additional specialized training, and working as a nurse, I was depleted. Not only was I feeling the effects of financial strain from the cost of school, but physical, mental, and ethical exhaustion had taken hold.
Still, I resolved to pursue further education. I switched to a focus on psychology instead of nursing to establish a career I was passionate about that aligned with my values and would allow me a better work-life balance. I was aware that I would be in it for the long haul.
Typically, to get a master’s degree, a person will dedicate nearly seven years to their education: four years toward their bachelor’s degree and two and a half years in a master’s program. And that’s only if they are taking a full course load. However, my course load has reflected my situation as a single mom; while other students typically enroll in five courses a semester, I have only taken three.
Another pregnancy made it hard to keep up, and I asked for help
I thought I could simultaneously pick up nursing shifts and study, but an unexpected pregnancy decimated the chances of that. Although I tried to find a job from home — a remote position where I could work around a new baby and fit into my already stretched schedule — I was unsuccessful. I was unemployed, my student loans were insufficient to live off, and the little resources I had dwindled away, leaving me reliant on borrowed money.
With inflation and the lack of other social support for parents in my position, after two years of staying at home with my youngest, I was drowning in debt. Luckily, I could still continue with school by signing up for remote education courses.
Typical expenditures such as vehicle repairs and maintenance, dental fees, vet bills, and costs associated with raising kids continued to drain my bank. Feeding, clothing, sheltering, and shuttling around growing kids all but obliterated my budget. I would rack up my two credit cards and then, as soon as I got my student loan, would pay them off. But the interest charges were astronomical, and I was doing a terrible job juggling it all.
I hit a breaking point one day, and after crying to my mom about my Visa debt, which was nearly $12,000, she offered to help me out. She loaned me money to pay off that debt and told me I could pay my rent when I received my next student loan payment.
Even though I feel embarrassed by my financial situation, I feel blessed. Not everyone has a family to back them like this. It seems no matter my age or what I need, my parents will come to my rescue, and I know I will do the same for my kids.
As I am set to graduate next summer, I am one step closer to accomplishing my long-term goal of obtaining a master’s in counseling psychology. While this means at least two and a half years of graduate school and more money, it will allow me to help people how I’ve always wanted to. And this is all possible because I have the support of my family. Though it’s embarrassing to acknowledge how much help I’ve had to ask for along the way, I hope one day, in my career, I will support others to pursue lives that bring them happiness.
