NEED TO KNOW
- A woman says her in-laws have moved in with her and her husband while building their multi-million-dollar home out of state
- The move was meant to be temporary, but now feels never-ending
- She writes on Reddit that the situation “created a constant sense of stress and loss of privacy in our own home” — particularly after she got pregnant
A woman says her in-laws are building a multi-million-dollar home — and decided to move in with her and her husband amid construction.
In a post shared to Reddit, she writes that her husband’s parents “moved in with us last year while they were building their multi million home in another state.”
“I mention this because they sold their million dollar home in our current state impulsively and could have totally waited or found a place on their own,” she writes. “They didn’t need our help…but because years ago we lived with them for a year to save for our current home, they thought we could just ‘return the favor.’ ”
When they moved in, they brought their three dogs with them — and their college-aged son who often stays during breaks from college.
“The arrangement was meant to be temporary but each time we curiously asked about their plans to move out of state they never had a clear plan due to needing to move their business out of state,” she adds. “Instead, it created a constant sense of stress and loss of privacy in our own home, especially while I became pregnant with our first child a few months into them moving in.”
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She continues: “From early on, it became clear that MIL often took boundaries as personal attacks, rather than understanding them as necessary for our well-being. My FIL has always enabled her behavior, rarely speaking up to encourage a more balanced perspective or standing up for what would be best for the family as a whole.”
She and her husband are now “feeling the lack of separation between our household and theirs,” she writes, adding: “Despite my efforts to remain respectful, my anxiety grew about bringing a baby to a full house and being around their pets who had taken over.”
She adds that her in-laws constantly make “unnecessary comments” and give “unsolicited advice about parenthood.”
“I voiced to my husband that we needed our own space this summer before the baby arrived, something we both agreed on for the sake of our marriage, mental health, and ability to settle into parenthood without unnecessary stress,” she writes.
But once that decision was communicated, “the situation quickly escalated,” with her mother-in-law reacting “with hurt and resentment, framing our need for privacy as rejection.”
“She impulsively made them move out the next day!” she writes. “MIL made comments to both of us about how they’ve done so much for us and given us so much by listing all the expensive Christmas gifts they’ve given us over the years (that we didn’t even ask for).”
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The post continues: “The dynamic left no room for honest discussion or reconciliation, instead it created an ‘us versus them’ mentality.”
After they moved out, her mother-in-law “chose to go no contact,” and they have not reached out “to ask about their first grandchild, to visit, or to make any effort to repair the relationship.”
What’s more is that the situation has affected her husband’s work life, as he worked for the family business but has now seen his access to company accounts cut and his paternity leave cut short.
“I had reached out to talk it out after my therapist encouraged me to share my thoughts about this process and it did not go well, MIL kept saying we kicked them out and that this was the ‘most disgusting thing her children have ever done, and how we are so ungrateful and don’t self reflect,’ ” she writes. “I even apologized for how everything turned out and told her it was not our intention to hurt them, we just felt that we needed our space back for our new little family and it was going to be difficult with their dogs.”
She continues: “It’s clear that, for now, they have no desire to make things right or be a part of our child’s life. Their unwillingness to acknowledge their role in the situation or to work toward reconciliation has left us feeling not only hurt but also deeply disappointed in the absence of the kind of family connection we hoped to have for our newborn.”
Other Reddit users seem to think no-contact might be a good thing.
Writes one commenter: “If there was ever a situation where the trash took itself out, this is it. Let them go and enjoy your peace! Congrats on your growing family.”
